(muffled chatter, country & western music)
You ready?
l bet you are.
Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna do something with this?
Go on. Take that meat.
(moans)
♪ 'Cause everybody's somebody's fool Everybody's somebody's... ♪
24. Number 24?
♪ And there are no exceptions to the rule
♪ Yes, everybody's somebody's fool ♪
Stephen Green, you fucking faggot! You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
(giggles)
- (clashing) - Fuck!
Mom! Shit!
Wasn't my fault. Wasn't my fault. That machine is just...
- Oh, fuck. Christ! All right. - (sighs)
What the fu... Oh, God, Mom!
Oh, fuck.
D'you know how much that espresso maker cost? What's that?
- What are you doing? - My name.
This is not something you just go and write your name on.
l know that, Alice. l'm not stupid. l understand the purpose of your chart.
That's why l wrote my name.
- Right there, off of Shane. - Shane?
Remember at the party, when we were talking?
- You can't be on the chart for talking. - l know. Would you listen to my story?
At the end of the evening, when we were saying our goodbyes,
we had a moment.
A moment?
A romantic moment.
l'm not sure that l haven't been limiting myself in being exclusively with men.
Um...
l need you to tell me exactly what happened.
We kissed.
At first it was casual, but then it became... intimate.
French.
- Baby, are you OK? - (retching)
Hello? Daddy, you're here!
(Tina vomits)
No, everything's just great.
What?
l wonder what he's gonna say when we tell him.
He is gonna be so excited.
What shall we tell him about the last name?
- Why do we have to bring it up? - l'm not saying we should.
Just if he does. lt might be easier to use Kennard-Porter.
l don't think we should say anything that might not be true.
- You know how your father is. - How is he?
l think we should do some sort of combo thing instead of the hyphenated thing.
What, like Portard?
Bette. ''Hey, Poor 'tard, how's your two moms, you big gaymo?''
Whatever it's gonna be in 201 5.
- OK, fine. What about Kenter, then? - That has a nice sound to it.
You're right. We should just try not to talk about it tonight.
Nice, Dana. l'm gonna have Andrew test the speed of that serve.
Sounds good. Thank you, l'll see you in a bit.
Good stuff.
- Hi, how are you? - Hey.
- Mm. So my serve is faster. - Cool.
So, who is the sexiest tennis player in the world?
Anna Kournikova?
- Hey. - Hey.
(man) Out! Oh, you could've got that.
So, guess who's having an event tonight, wants you to come?
- Subaru? - Who are you? Her psychic?
Yeah. So Subaru's hosting a dinner, a charity event to support the arts,
teeming with the who's who. How hot is that?
- Very hot. - See how you're a star?
So where is it?
Morton's. Eight o'clock.
lt's gonna be so great!
You are so fucking hot. l just wanna have sex with you right now.
(laughs) Still here, ladies.
- Sorry. - Now, don't apologise.
Hey, if you ever wanna... mix it up, let me know.
l'm kidding. l'm just kidding!
l'm gonna get back to work. l'll see you later.
- lt was nice meeting you. l think. - lt was a joke. Just a joke.
She's cute. Really cute.
So, l think you should bring Harrison.
He's your doubles partner. lt's what people want to see. Dana?
Dana? You wanna call him, or should l?
l'd really love to say that it's not true, but...
- Oh, my God. - Shit. l don't know, man, your mom.
All l know is l was saying goodbye and the next thing l know, she just... fuck.
l'm thinking maybe those drinks were a little strong.
You know what this means? l can never be gay again. Never.
lt's no big deal. Your mom is really sexy for an older woman.
She is. And you know what? She's got really... She's really...
♪ My baloney has a first name lt's O-S-C-A-R...
l should be singing. Your mom got funky with me, all right?
She came on to you?
- She's wild, Al. - OK, please with the details.
God! Why's my mom such a slutty, slutty, chicken-chasing pervert?
Not to mention a liar. She said you came on to her and she was being polite.
- She's wild. - Well, you can say your goodbyes.
She's going back to Nelson's. l am not driving her to Palm Springs.
She put her name on the chart. What is that?
Who... Where'd she come from?
There's two guys staring at you and l think one of them is Harry Samchuk.
Fuck. He thinks l'm a guy.
Those fucking gay Hollywood mafia fags think l'm some twink they can pick up on.
- All right, l'm outta here. - Hey, hey...
l'm really sorry you got Lenore'd.
Don't worry. lt happens. See you.
Can l see the one... just... No, the third one in. No, next to that.
- No... - Give him whichever one's on top.
- Where the hell have you been? - San Diego.
- With your mom? - Yeah.
l needed a break. LA was getting all blah-blah-blah.
- That's your friend now? - Yeah, l... met him. You know.
You are a fucking asshole, you know that?
You're a dick. Call me. Take care.
- Shane. - What?
- l need a favour. - Oh, fuck...
Clive, l can't do it. l don't have the room this time.
- lt's just for a couple of days. - l got roommates.
They're gonna freak out. There's four of us living in one bedroom.
- You can't stay with someone else? - No, l... made some calls,
but no-one's called me back.
Damn it, l ca... l'm sorry.
- l can't do it this time. - lt's cool.
- Yeah? - Yeah. Of course.
- Will you call me, though? - Yeah. Of course.
Bye, darling.
(chatter)
- Mr Samchuk. - Clive, have you met Mark?
- Trish Peverell. - l can't seem to...
Get on the bus.
You are so fucking nervous, man! l don't even have to look at you.
l know, man, l gotta try and calm down. We're in a good position...
l don't know how you got Trish in this, but thank you.
No problem. Seriously.
- Let's do this. - Let's win it!
(engine starts)
Fuck! Randy...
Randy.
- What's going on? - l forgot my stopwatch.
- There's no way you're leaving. - We're not gonna win without it.
Don't call me superstitious, l know you have your Garfield boxers on.
Absolutely. Don't be late, man.
l'll probably be there before you.
Whassup!
- l think it has amazing potential. - Potential?
- Well, it's a draft, right? - Yes.
You can't expect every story you write to fall out of you and be gold.
Writing is rewriting.
- lt doesn't make you less talented. - Right.
Your strength is you write from here.
The demons that tempt you, that you struggle with.
Am l that demon?
Eugh!
(doorbell)
(gasps) Oh, girl, you scared me!
Guess what l got for you, Mommy. Check it out. Vitamins for women.
Everything that you don't get even when you have a good diet.
- They'll be so good for you and the baby. - You're so good to me!
l... l wanted to bring you something.
- That's a cute dress. - You think?
l think it makes me look fat. lt'll take Melvin five minutes to say it.
Melvin? My father? He's here in Los Angeles?
Yeah. He's just sort of in and out. Some sort of business thing.
Bette made him squeeze us in.
She wants to tell him about the baby in person.
lt'll work out really nice for you.
Yeah, it saves us the trip.
Hello? Jen? You home?
Jenny?
Oh, fuck! Oh!
Oh, yeah... Wait! Right there!
Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh!
(Jenny) Fuck! Mm!
(sighs) Tina?
Tina, wake up.
Oh. Hi, baby.
We have to pick up my dad in half an hour.
Oh. OK. All l have to do is put on my make-up.
You're not serious? You... You're not wearing that dress.
l'll pick something else out. Can you take the tags off the present?
- Why did you call me earlier? - l didn't.
- My cell showed our home number. - Oh.
lt might have been Kit. She brought us vitamins.
You didn't tell her Daddy was in town, did you?
(sighs) Tina, what were you thinking? First David writes her a note on a Post-it,
then our dad's here and doesn't call her.
Exactly the things that make it hard for her to stay sober.
You didn't brief me on what was all right to say.
l shouldn't have to.
You see me? Daddy, it's the blue Saab.
Look straight ahead.
Do you see me? l can see you.
Tina's in the passenger seat. She'll get out right now.
She'll wave. Wave when you get out.
You see her? See?
Wave. Wave.
Yeah! That's her.
(laughs)
- Daddy! - Hello! Good to see you!
- Hello. - Hi.
This is from Bette.
From Bette? Ah, now...
What can this be?
Oh, Lord, don't tell me... lt is a tie.
- l thought that colour would suit you. - You've got the eye.
Look at that! Beautiful.
Hope you're hungry. Can you just move over? l can't see. Thanks.
Oh, l am. So that's what you had in mind. That was a nice trip, wasn't it?
Don't take it so hard. We only lost by a ten-point margin.
- You did a great job today. Thanks. - Tim! l'm so sorry!
- What are you doing here? - Don't shut me out! Please!
Please what? Huh? Just give me my ring.
No! No, if you want the ring you take it off of me!
- Just give me my ring! - No!
Come on! Hey! Hey! What the hell are you doing, man?
- Are you all right? - l'm fine.
- What the hell's going on? - This is none of your business.
You beat on your woman in front of me, that is my business.
l was not beating on her.
Leave us alone. That's all l need from you.
l'm fine.
(exhales deeply)
Listen, don't disappoint me, man. You don't wanna do that.
l won't. This is just between us.
Tim, you have to understand that this was a big mistake.
lt was like... watching yourself do something terrible
- and not being able to stop it. - Why couldn't you?
- Why was it so fucking hard? - l don't know.
- When did it start? - That was the first time.
- We didn't even talk. - So, you went from not talking
- to letting her eat you out? - Please don't say that.
l can't believe this is happening.
l thought l would spend the rest of my life with you.
- Why can't we? - You've fucked it all up!
- l know. But l'm begging you to forgive me. - God!
You two must have been laughing at me the whole time.
Nobody was laughing at you, it was just this thing that happened.
You know what kills me?
- l was standing there, watching... - Tim...
- Please. Tim, please! - Just...
Please, Tim! Tim, please, please!
Please, Tim! This doesn't have to...
lf you can just forgive me, Tim. lt doesn't have to end.
We can keep on going as we planned and nothing has to change, right?
Tim, please, please don't leave me.
'Cause if you leave me, l think that l'll die. Tim, please look at me.
l love you. And l just wanna be your wife.
- You wanna be my wife? - Yes.
More than anything else.
Get in the car.
(femalejazz vocalist singing)
(whirring)
(earring bounces on floor)
So l made these with vodka and whey protein. There was a chemical reaction.
But the soy protein is really great.
(doorbell)
- lt's open. - (Lara) lt's me.
Uh-oh.
God, you look great! l need help. l didn't know what you were wearing
and l didn't wanna end up looking like twins. lt's like saying l wanna go out with me.
- Oh, hi! - Hi.
l'm... going to freshen my drink.
l can't believe l assumed l was going with you.
- l feel so stupid. - Lara, wait, wait.
Conrad was the one who called Harrison.
He thinks that it's better for me not to... He just...
Harrison's who l usually go with. You know l really wanna go with you.
l get it. Believe me.
Lara, l'm sorry!
- Look, l know l should have called. - That would have been nice.
(door closes)
You did the right thing.
She's gotta understand: it's business. Out and proud does not sell cars.
(music, chatter)
Tim, we don't have to do this.
- l need to tell you something. - Let's go to my office.
No. She can say what she needs to say right here.
Tell her.
What happened between us was a terrible mistake. lt is never gonna happen again.
l will never see you ever again. Do you understand that?
- Did you hear what she said? - Of course l did.
Tell me when it started.
lt didn't. You saw all there was to see.
The beginning and the end.
Let's go.
- Jenny. - Yes, l'm coming.
Harry asked me all about you and l told him you did Pink's faux hawk for her video
and he fucking creamed!
He wants to recommend you to his friends.
That's fabulous. How much do l owe him?
Eugh, God, no. He just wants to hang out sometime.
Clive... l'm not hanging out with him.
He thinks l'm a guy. l'm not into that.
- Since when? - Since l found a real job.
Hey, good for you, you've found a place.
Yeah, l'm staying with Harry.
- Fuck. Fuck, Clive, no you're not. - What are you talking about?
We promised each other that we're out of that.
l'm not going back on the streets. l'm going to a $30 million mansion in Bel Air.
You'll be the latest boy-toy to a bunch of Hollywood fags
who'll pass you around and suck you dry.
They're vampires, man, and you should know that.
l don't exactly have a choice, do l?
All right.
All right. One week. One week and that's it.
- lf you fuck around, you're out. - Thank you! Thank you so much!
(car horn)
Mom? Nelson's outside.
Why do l feel like l'm being banished? l said l was sorry.
You're not being banished. l just need my place back. l work here.
- (horn) - You see how your brother is?
l feel like one of those girls whose boyfriends don't bother to come to the door.
l'm gonna help you. lt's just he's got the kids in the car.
Oh, Alice, please. Promise me.
l'll remind them. Call you Bunny, not Grandma.
Mom, you know how l had that talk with Shane about what happened?
Yeah.
She said she thinks you're wild.
Really?
Well, l hate to hurt her feelings, but l'm afraid it can't go any farther.
Talk to her for me, won't you, Alice?
Yeah. l'll talk to her.
MOCA had the show but l just wouldn't give up.
l went to go see Peggy Peabody myself.
lncredible. (chuckles) What do l always tell you?
You are my child.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
So, what do you think of my girl?
Oh. l think she's amazing.
l think the show's gonna be incredible.
And how is your career shaping up, Miss Kennard?
l don't have much of one at the moment. l left the studio.
Tina is doing something very special, something for the both of us.
- Can l start anyone off with a drink? - Bette?
- We'll have a large bottle of Pellegrino. - A Manhattan, sir.
l'll be back to take your order in a few minutes.
Um...
Tina, would you like to tell him?
Um... OK.
- Bette and l are having a baby. - Daddy, we're having a baby.
- l don't understand. - l'm pregnant.
- And you're happy about that? - Daddy!
l'm not familiar with the proper response.
Um, this is something that we've been trying to do for a very long time.
- We want this very much. - l was unaware of that.
- How do you feel? - l'm not sure.
This child... You're gonna be taking care of it?
- And Miss Kennard? - Dad, we're a couple.
- We are starting a family. - lf that makes you happy...
You're going to have another grandchild.
That is biologically impossible.
Unless there's been a medical breakthrough that l don't know about,
the possibility that this child will be my grandchild
does not exist.
l am happy if that's what you want in your friendship with Miss Kennard,
but l cannot realistically be asked to participate
in this fiction of your creation.
Can l tell you about tonight's specials? We have sea bass with wilted spinach,
a risotto with prosciutto ham and shiitake mushrooms.
- Could you give us a minute, please? - Of course.
Bette and l have gone through so much to get here.
We've discussed how our child could reflect who we are when we're limited by biology.
That's why we decided to use an African-American donor.
So, when we look at our child, and you look at your grandchild,
- we'll be looking into a familial face. - A black man is the father?
The donor. He's an African-American artist.
An African-American.
Because of that l'm supposed to feel closer to this child?
Because all of us blacks are somehow connected?
We can be traced back to some tribe in Africa where we were beating drums?
That is absurd. You are an lvy League educated woman.
- How is this logical? - Dad...
Just to tell you the rest of the specials.
We also have salt-crusted cod with raspberry-infused artichoke hearts
and a light lemon vinaigrette.
- l'm sorry, l don't feel so well. - D'you have to go to the bathroom?
- No, l'm gonna go home. - l'll take you.
No. Stay.
lt was really nice seeing you again, Melvin.
l'm sorry you're not feeling well. l'll have Bette back to you in no time.
l am going to have...
..the sea bass.
Yoo-hoo!
Hey, there, lovebirds.
Come this way.
Jerry, get up. You've both given this a lot of thought?
- Yes. - You're sure?
l didn't mean to scare you. You didn't run away or anything?
- No. - No.
You're pregnant? ln love?
Yes.
Good. l like to make sure.
This is my husband Jerry. He will be your witness.
- How long have you guys been married? - What is it? 32 years?
- ln March. - See? lt's good to be sure.
Now, you will stand here and you'll stand here.
This is the beginning of the rest of your life.
So why don't you kiss? That's a good way to start.
- (clears throat) - OK.
OK!
Well, let's start.
Checkout's at 1 2.
And if you want a decent breakfast, don't go across the street.
You can drive up 90 one mile to go to Pancake House. lt's on the left.
- Have a good night. - Thank you.
- Uh... - A toast?
- What do you think? - Yes! Um, glasses?
- Oh. Should l get some? - No. Allow me, please.
- OK. - Stand back for this one.
l'm not afraid.
Very smooth.
OK, l propose a toast.
OK? Uh!
To... Mr and Mrs Haspel.
Oh...
That minister was pretty great, wasn't she?
Why? 'Cause she's a woman?
No.
Uh... Could you just...
..take a shower or something?
Please?
Yeah.
Excuse me. l'm sorry.
(running water)
(knocking)
Come in.
So, how was the party?
l know you hate me right now and l don't blame you.
l should have called. l know.
l always mess things up.
Did l mess everything up?
l'm sorry. lt's just that...
..you make me so happy and that's not a very familiar feeling. You know?
Can l please try again?
l really wanna try again.
- Can l? - One thing...
Anything.
You have to start taking at least some steps towards being out.
l will.
Because you're gonna be miserable being in the closet.
l know.
And you are really, really gay.
l know.
You know, it's one of the things that l like so much about you.
When you hide that, you're hiding the best part.
(music, chatter)
Hey, little sister!
Roger invited the band over. They have the night off.
We have here the Roger Supreme Special.
- You want some, little sister? - No thanks.
- All the more for me. - Baby, can you eat that out there?
Better yet, in the bedroom, so nobody sees you and l don't have to make another one.
You're my baby, you know that.
What's up?
l saw Dad tonight. l'm sorry l didn't tell you. l...
Hey, it's not like we talk or anything. lt's cool. lt's cool.
- So, what happened? - lt was unbelievable.
He was so... horrible. And he's never been that way with me.
l told him about the baby
and basically he said that he would never consider the baby to be his grandchild.
Bette...
Bette, what did you expect?
He's an old-fashioned man, a bigot in his own right.
Someone's gotta talk to you about him. He is not the saint you think he is.
- Kit... - Oh, girl, you are so brainwashed.
What do you trade to feel his pride?
- l have to go. - Yeah, you do.
(sighs)
(distant traffic)
(exhales, clears throat)
(Melvin) What is it?
Dad, it's me, Katy.
(footsteps)
lf you want to see me, we could arrange a meeting at a more appropriate hour.
- l figured you were doing your 5 a.m. sit-ups. - So l was.
- That's a lot of years without changing. - lt appears to be mutual.
- lt has been a long time, hasn't it? - Well, yes.
This is what happens, isn't it? These are the consequences of your actions.
l'm not here to talk about me. l'm here for Bette.
- She sent you here? - No, l came on my own.
She showed up at my apartment upset over what happened between you.
You know l'm supposed to call a child, not even related to me, a grandchild?
- Would that be the end of the world? - No. lt would be a lie.
Oh, and you don't ever do that, do you?
l don't know what she expected from you or understand who she thinks you are.
lf you intend to exploit the situation with your sister
so that you can come up here and insult me, l will not allow it.
lf you had lived some kind of life of decency and respectability,
then, possibly, l would be your audience. But not now.
You should be careful not to take your anger
over what happened between you and me out on Bette.
She's been hurt enough. All she wants is your blessing.
Why would you deny her that? For biology?
Don't turn Bette away from you because you can't accept her situation.
She thinks the world of you.
You reject her and Tina's child and that's just what you'll be doing.
Do you really wanna do that? Open your door 1 3 years later
and see your daughter's face, older and a stranger's?
l got David's note. l know you made him write me.
Only a suggestion. l thought it might help keep you on track.
Would you give him this?
His return address on the envelope was some office at the school.
♪ Let God take control of your soul
- ♪ Let the rock machine go - (siren)
(turns music off)
Where's the fire?
- You been drinking? - l had a glass of champagne
- to celebrate after l got married. - You got married?
Earlier. At Tahoe.
Where's your wife?
l left her in the motel room.
Would you mind stepping out of the car, please?
Earlier today, l caught my wife... my fiancée...
- l walked in on her cheating on me. - But you married her.
- What was going through your head, son? - She was the one l thought l'd...
..spend forever with.
Well, don't tell me you're going back to where you came from to kill the guy.
lt was a woman.
You ever watch pornography?
- Um... - Don't answer that. We all do.
We spend our whole lives watching porn. We never see the warning.
You know that scene where two women are getting it on?
The guy comes in, he's all hard. He's gonna give it to 'em, he's gonna fuck 'em good.
We think that's what those chicks want, the meat.
But look closer next time. They're having a good time without him.
They're going down on each other, they're... up in there, they're licking everything.
A guy comes in, he's ready to unload. That's not what they want.
They got their eyes squinted up like... someone's gonna pour gasoline on 'em.
There's your warning.
That's why this country's homosexuals are so dangerous.
When you got two people, they got the same equipment,
and they both know how to treat it...
..how could anybody of the opposite sex compete with that?
That's how they get you.
You try to ride the speed limit, OK?
- l will. - All right.
(taps roof)
Tim?
(horn)
♪ Peoplejust ain't no good
♪ l think that's well understood
♪ You can see it everywhere you look
♪ Peoplejust ain't no good
♪ We were married under cherry trees
♪ Under blossom we made our vows
♪ All the blossoms come sailing down
♪ Through the streets And through the playgrounds
♪ The sun would stream on the sheets
♪ Awoken by the morning bird
♪ We'd buy the Sunday newspapers
♪ Never read a single word
♪ People they ain't no good
♪ People they ain't no good ♪